My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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