I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
