As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
