haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
