Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
