Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
