hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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