google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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