I just made out with a guy for $7.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
