just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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