I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
