An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
