32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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