Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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