he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
