Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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