I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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