imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
