im about as happy as oj after his trial
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
