Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
