ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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