Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
