SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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