I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
