i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
