i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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