I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
