I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
