I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
