i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
