I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
