i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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