Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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