No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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