I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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