I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
