Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
