the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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