im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
