I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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