I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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