did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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