dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
