it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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