Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
