i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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