If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
