Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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