The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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