Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
