i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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