Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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