She went from zero to smokin in five shots
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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