god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
