she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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